- QUESTION
from "Impressed!":
Redd, my goodness, what have I been missing? I'm seeing these writings and your responses for
the first time today. Your responses to the writers seeking your advise are thoughtful, considerate,
informed, and thorough! You are indeed a blessing!
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Looking for a response":
Recently I was having a discussion with some friends mostly women and a few guys, we were
talking about cheating being faithul. I expressed my views on cheating and being honest about what
I really feel to my boyfriend, They all told me that I'm a woman trapped in a mans body. I got
offended ( i did not tell them though)and want them to go deeper in what they meant about that,
one person said that all men cheat gay or straight and that men are pretty much like that all men.
I strongly disagreed with statment, I told her that I personally believe that man are natural
agressors nad not just the best room but should play a major vital part in decision making wether
its colors fora room or balancing a check book. I can't say I always felt this way about what I
believe but I fell bad when people are mistreated and when people just sleep around it makes me
feel kinda bad in my spirit. We also talked about knowing that your freinds mate is cheating and
you not telling them that there mate is cheating. They all told me that it should be up them if
they want to find out, that made me look at them with a little shame. I could not live with myself
if I new my boy's mate was chesting and kept it to myself, what kind of friend would i be, and (2)
people I was having this discussion are sleeping with each others boyfriend and don't even know it.
( they are not friends of mine but I do know). I think thats just wrong. Redd my concern is that am
I realistic in my thinking and what response would have been best to give regarding me thinking like
a woman and why do I care.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Hopeless":
Dear Redd, I have a problem that I have been living with for years. Several years ago I modeled nude for a popular
black gay adult website (I won't mention which one) but similar to ebony male. I workout religiously and I have a very nice
body. I like to show it off. But I think I went too far when I modeled nude. You know they say hind sight is 20/20, if I had
it to do all over, I definitely wouldn't make the same decision. Since I took my clothes off in front of the camera, my life
has changed. I lost my job at a national retailer because a customer walked up to me and said he had seen me somewhere before,
I asked "where?" and he said with a wink, "on the internet." Of course, I knew exactly what he was talking about. I simply
acted confused and walked away. Several days later, my supervisor called me into his office, I sat down and he turned his
computer monitor so that I could see it. His email program was open and I saw several of the nude photos of me attached
to the email. My supervisor saw the embarrassment in my face and seemed to be sympathic. But several days later the store schedule was
posted and my hours were severly cut. A few weeks later, my supervisor told me the store was cutting back due to slower sales and that they
would have to let me go. A part of me knew I was being fired because of the pictures, but my state is an "At Will Employment" state and I
had no choice but to gather up my personal belonging and leave the store. Several members of my family are not speaking to me because I told
them about the reason why I thought I was let go from my job, whole story behind the pictures and had no choice but to come out of the closet
because of the type of website the pictures were posted on. I have contemplated suicide because I feel my future is over. I will never be able
to realize the type of life I had envisioned because of something I did when I was young and foolish. I have applied for several jobs and never
seem to get a call back. Although I don't have any real proof that it is because of the picture, I suspect that it is. I have emailed the
website and had im chats with it's employees and although they seem to understand my frustration, but say that I signed a release form and
that they own the pictures and that it's nothing they can do for me. Redd, I have been born again, I am now saved and want to minister to
youth and I don't think I can do that knowing that these pictures are out there and can destroy my reputation at any time. I'm serious Redd,
I feel I have been called by God to reach out to the young people and share the Word with them, but I am too ashamed. I really feel if I can't
do what I am called by God to do, I might as well not be on this earth. Man, I am hurting because I will never be able to live with the
decision I made all those years ago to take my clothes off and let God only knows how many men lust over my body. When I confide in people
about my problem, they always say, look at Vanessa Williams or Madonna... naked picture of them turned up early in their careers and they
overcame. Well they are in the entertainment business and I want to be a minister, it's not the same. Let one person I am trying to minister
to see one of those pictures and my credibility is gone. Redd how can I make the website understand how much it means to me to have those
pictures off the internet. I offered them money to buy the pictures back, I don't have alot of money, but I am willing to make payments for
as long as it takes. They told me they have a business to run and I understand that, but how can I make them see how important this is to me
and that I pray to God everyday how I could somehow touch their heart and make them change their mind and take the pictures off the internet.
I am desperate, I will do anything because if I can't minister to people about the word of God without the fear of having those pictures come
back and haunt me, then I don't want to live any longer because my life will not be worth living as long as those pictures are out there in
cyberspace. I don't know what to do. I am proud of my body and I like it when people look at it, but my body is so much better now than it was
when I took those pictures and that is another reason why I want those picture taken off the internet is because I look so much better now
because I workout hard everyday. I'm lost, I don't know where else to turn or what else to do.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "I Give Up":
Why do people cheat and are there any guys that really shun the cheating ways?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Lost in Emotion":
REDD. I AM A EDUCATED 26 Y.O BROTHER WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN RESPECTFUL AND FOCUSED ON MY GOALS AND I HAVE MY
OWN IDENTITY. I'VE RECENTLY RECEIVED MY B.A...AND ON MY WAY TO GRADUATE SCHOOL NEXT YEAR. I AM A GOOD, HUMBLE, AND DECENT
GUY. ABOUT 1 YEAR AGO.. I MET A GREAT GUY THAT HAS ALOT OF THE SAME MORALS AND VIEWS AS MYSELF....MY PROBLEM lS I HAVE
BEEN GETTING 'COLD SORES' THROUGHOUT MY LIFE SINCE ABOUT THE AGE OF 6 YEARS OLD... IN THOSE DAYS THEY WERE NOT VIEWED
AS A 'BAD' THING...BUT NOWWADAYS IT'S VIEWED AS AN 'STD' ...BUT I WAS NOT SEXUALLY ACTIVE AT 6 YEARS OLD...ALTHOUGH
MY FLARE UP'S ARE RARE (APPROX 1-2 YEARS APART) ...I AM CURRENTLY OVER-DUE.....WHAT SHOULD I DO?....HOW DO I TELL
THE MAN I HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS FOR ABOUT THIS?.....I DONT WANT HIM TO JUDGE ME AND ASSUME I GOT THIS HAVING UNPROTECTED
SEX..BECAUSE I HONESTY DON'T MESS AROUND UNLESS IT'S SAFE!!!...I AM SCARED HE MAY NOT WANT TO BE WlTH ME...THAT'S BEEN MY
SCARE FOR MANY MANY YEARS...IT'S A VERY EMBARASSlNG PROBLEM!!.....HONESTLY. I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT TO SAY OR DO...PLEASE
HELP ME. PEOPLE CAN BE SO JUDGEMENTAL AND THROUGHOUT THE YEARS OF THlS PROBLEM I'VE MISSED ALOT OF SCHOOL AND MONEY FROM
THE JOB IN FEAR OF BEING JUDGED...I REALLY WANT TO BE WlTH THIS GUY AND WE ARE STARTlNG TO GET REALLY SERIOUS.....AND WE
HAVE NOT HAD SEX BECAUSE WE HAVE DECIDED TO FOCUS ON 'US' BEFORE WE ADD 'SEX' INTO THE PICTURE....WE SEEM SO PERFECT FOR
EACH OTHER AND I HAVE TO BE HONEST WlTH HlM.. REDD: PLEASE HELP A BROTHA OUT!!!!
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Jammin":
I have been trying to find an organization or clinic in the New York City area that offer testing or assistance to
gay men for STDs other than only HIV/AIDS but no luck. I would like to test for a possible STD but would prefer to do so at
a place that I would feel comfortable and is non-judgmental. All the organizations including GMHC seem to test for and assist
only persons with HIV/AIDS. Did they forget that several other STDs exist?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Julian":
I keep working out and exercising, but it seems as though there are no results. What is wrong with my body? How can
this problem be fixed? Is it me?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "50":
Redd, I enjoyed reading your column. Not only was it entertaining, but it enlightened me to so many things by what
the writers were saying and your clever responses. Thank you for for such a place like yours. I'm 50+ young at heart and
still looking for true love. I have so many things to offer someone special and this is whats sad. Maybe in my next life
I'll do better. Luv Ya.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Stuck In The Past":
I have been in a relationship for a year and some months now, my mate did some pretty hurtful things in
the beginning, he lied to me several times, mis-lead me about he comings and goings, along with several open chapters
from the past before we met, (to name a few) there was one time when he said he was going to a basketball game with
his boy, when he told me that, my gut instinct said he was lying, but I just could not place my finger on it,
that night we argued because he said that I was crazy and being paranoid, well a month later he slip and I found
out he went with his ex-boyfriend, I was pissed that he could allow me to apologize, and he was lying the whole time,
2nd he allowed his ex-boyfriend to come to the house to visit and spend the night, I called and told him that I was
on my way and he told me that his ex-boyfriend was there and it was late so he will just stay the night, I put a cry'n
down, I felt like you could have stabbed me in the chest, at this point I was distraught, I had been so good to him in
every way. I'm not one of those persons who assume well since we had sex, and we see each other everyday then, that
makes us a couple, there were policies and procedures set in place, Moving forward- after the boyfriend staying the
night thing, that was just a lot for me to handle, but I did not want break-up with him. that night was very painful,
he saids they did not have sex and they slept in different rooms, but I can't understand why he could allow his ex to
come over and totally disregard me like that. After that I did not trust him, I started finding more things about his
past that was hard to swallow, he has never been faithful, he cheated on his ex-boyfriend,along with others he had a
lot of unprotected sex in college and has never used condoms when he with girls, he tried having unprotected sex with
me (4)times after we met, I asked him why does he want to do that, he said he trusted me because the way I carry
myself (stupid and sad)I was so bothered by that because he has a high at rish behavior that warrants concern, he
has never been tested. I moved in with him with all these unresolved issues that were addressed but not really
resolved, before we moved in togther I would tell him I need space and that all what I allowed him to put me through
I need to figure things out, he would act such a fool and walk out and say well if we break-up its all your fault
and we need to work this out together not apart, I found out later the only yhing he was really concerned about is
me sleeping with someone else, I told him that I don't believe in casusal sex and that I loved him, but looking back
he knew that I was not going leave him, at this point I'm very unhappy because all what has taken place and all the baggage
this supposed to be adult brought to the relationship. To name a few he brought a mother who uses him and runs game to help
her with her bills, while she drinks all night, a crazy baby mamma, poor credit, people he has had sexual encounters with
that would call all the time, text message freak, poor money management. After moving in together I felt like I was trapped
by this man, I was depressed, insecure, wondering where he was, get mad when he does not answer the phone, acting really
sillyig and did like myself. I would tell him that I just can't continue like this, he would always try to show affection
my attraction and sexual interest would be far and few for him, he wto get him back, one day he left his email open and I
looked through it while he was in the shower, I saw that had been chatting with several people, but there was one that stuck
out to me. He told a guy that "Yes Brah" I am worth your time" get at me. I printed it out and sat it on the dining room
table, about and hour later he saw it and just start apologizing telling me it was just somethinghe does when he is bored
at work, I was so bothered by those words, I just could not understand him, I address his credit score issues, I assited
him in bring his mother's house note to current, I helped him out with his son for the summer, I don't so much as a friend
and i would always tell him that when I'm with someone I'm loyal faith and supportive, becasue I belive that in a
relationship its no longer just about you and if you love someone you will help them. Well as of today I feel unattractive
and stuck in his past from things that I know, I feel that he has grown since we 1st met but I 'm so scared of him hurting
me again, I ask ask ask so many questions until I know he gets mad, he recently pulled me to the side and toald me that he
understands what it takes in a healthy relationship and no one has ever told him his behvaior was unacceptable , I went home
with him its seems all the people around him from Mama dadday Aunts friends cheat and talk about foolishness and it bothers
me because I can see where he gets his ways from, I hate to hesr about his college days, I hate to here him give another guy
a complinment, Redd: we went to counseling for a month and it did not help, I was told that I forgive him then move on and
thats not easy its hard, we had sex the other day and I start thinking about him having sex with other people and does he say
those things to me that he said to them. The positive about this relationship is that i love him and I really beleives that
he loves me but he said that if I don't change he will move on because he can't continue to pay for his past. Redd i need
help bad this has been consuming me so long, I tired of being worried about his cheating, i'm tired of comparing my sex to
others, I worry that I may not be good enough, but deep inside I know I'm a great catch but wha thas he done to me or shoud
I say what I have allowed. Please give it to me so I can get my head straight.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "That Sexi One":
Hey Redd Whats Up? I am a bottom and has bottom for about 3years. But the guy that I am with now for
some reason; when we have intercourse I bleed. We use wet lube. But another thing that I am unsure about is that
I have had bigger dicks than his and have never bled when having intercourse with the other men. This is the
first time that this has happen to me. What is going on?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Hurting Guy":
Redd, I am embarrassed and ashamed of what I am about to
tell you. I met a guy about 2 years ago. At first, things were
cool, I'd say about the 1st two months or so. Then things started
to get just a little hectic, but a person like me, likes to stay for
the long run. At any rate, later on down the line, the relationship
started to just get crazy, but silly ole me still stayed with this
guy. About 7 months into the realtionship, he told me that he found
out 3 months before that he was HIV+!!!!! I was terrified!!! Not
because he was HIV+, but because he told me months later!! I still
stayed. Three months later, he started abusing, fighting and just
pretty much hurting me, but I LOVED HIM SO MUCH. I finally had the
courage to leave... I abandoned friends and every possible thing
that I loved behind to try and start over. Upon doing so, I found
out that I was HIV+ all at the same time, this guy also terrorized
me and my closes friends and family because I left him. I understand the meaning of forgiveness and all, but do you
really think a person can go on with their life, even after
forgiving a person. It hurts like hell and it still does after what
he has done to me. I feel so empty and hurt realizing that I have
to continue on living to live....HOW CAN I MOVE ON?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "AmIOnTheDL":
What's good Redd. I am a 24 y.o. black male and a Grad Student. I
am also a virgin to both men and women. I have long struggled with my
sexuality because of my Christian upbringing. This is the main reason for me
still being a virgin. Because, although I do consider some women physically
attractive, I have no sexual attraction to them. AND my Christian
convictions have prevented me from having full intercourse with a man.I
consder myself an attractive man, and I have always had many females to
approach me, including my some of my sister's best friends when I was a
teenager. I never tried to pursue a relationship with a woman b/c I have 4
sisters and a mother and I WOULD NEVER decieve a woman like that. Honestly I
am adamently opposed to the whole "DL" thing. My problem is this, to my
understanding, a "DL" brotha is one who pretends to be straight and dates
and sleeps with women publicly, while secretly sleeping with men. In my
case, I would NEVER do this, however, I do pretend to be straight publicly,
meaning that I am not openly gay, or when I'm with my guys who are straight,
I'll join in on small talk about females and how "phyne" they are, or I
might even make up stories about sexual encounters with females just to fit
in. Now, if someone I don't know, or someone who I do know, but I'm not
comfortable with asks me if I am gay...I'll tell them NO point blank. But
otherwise, I don't flaunt a girlfriend in public and I don't try to hook up
with girls in order to be considered straight...I just try to be me
otherwise. SO, what I want to know is: Am I CONSIDERED DL BECAUSE I AM NOT
OPENLY GAY and b/c most people I know assume I am straight? Another problem
I have is that I keep wondering what if I change my life around and want to
start a family, and get married? I already KNOW that I would tell any woman
that I decide to start a relationship with about my "previous" homosexual
desires from day one. A lot of my gay friends say that I am crazy for
willingly doing that, but that's just how I am. If I start a heterosexual
relationship I know I would tell the woman about my past from DAY ONE! Cause
I would not want to start a relationship based on lies and deceptions. Now,
like I said, I have not had intercourse with a male or female. I have never
had any sexual contact with females )despite many come-ons). As far as males
go, I had my VERY FIRST kiss at age 20, and participated in oral sex only
for the first time at 21. To date, I have had oral sex only exactly 4 times
total in the last 3 years... 2 times were with quick hook-ups from a
party-line and 2 times were from two guys that I wanted to start a
relationship with. My last time was 6 months ago! I am addicted to porn and
masturbate more than 10 times a day. I have so much sexual repression, b/c I
don't want to go "all the way" with a male b/c of my religious convictions
regarding homosexuality, and will not force myself to sleep with a female to
be something I am not. However, I still feel like I'm living a "DL" life
right now b/c I can't fully be me. And honestly I really feel that no woman
would ever really want me b/c of my past oral sex experiences with men. SO
I'm really stuck in a rut, b/c I know that when I tell a woman about my
experiences, she'll leave me and I feel I can't ever "go all the way with a
male", which will eventually prevent me from having a relationship with a
male. So it's basically a lose-lose situation for me! Redd PLEASE give me
your insight! I'm literraly going crazy, while dealing with all of this and
trying to get a Ph.D. Please HELP A BRUTHA!!!!
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Julian":
I am a 22 year old male. When I meet someone I like and want to look good. What should I do to keep in shape if I want a nice body?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Confused DL Nigga":
Redd, I'm very attracted to thug-like niggas, and I know it's a whole lot around of them on the DL around my town.
I want to get on the DL with one of them but it's kinda hard to tell which one is on the DL because half the straight niggas
around really are straight. Could you help a brother out?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Wondering":
Redd, I am having a serious issue in my life right now that is hard for me to handle. I have met a very incredible person,
and we have an amazing relationship. The only problem is, is that our lives are just in two different places at the moment. Although it
doesn't seem to bother him it's definitely something that I constantly worry about. I'm afraid that I'm not going to measure up to his
expectations, or I will end up messing up something so good like I do everything else in my life. Although I'm open with him about alot
of things, I can't let him know exactly how I feel because I'm afraid of pushing him away. Which I have started to already do, not intentionally
though. I'm just afraid of excepting something so good in my life right now, and I don't want to bring my chaos to someone else's
world. Although he has been accepting to my situations, and says that he's not going anywhere. I've heard it all before, and just don't
want to set myself up for failure. I know what I feel is so real, I'm truly falling in love with this person, and there is no turning back.
I'm hoping that our relationship grows into something special, (that forever love, if there is such a thing)but how do I approach this with
all these thoughts in my head? I realize I don't doubt him, but I doubt myself. PLEASE HELP ME!
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Dobe64":
Redd, I've just read your column for the first time. I thank you for giving these people the wisdom in which they should
live by. Having experienced some of the things your readers are asking you about, I'm very glad to know I'm not the only one out here who
thinks that way when it comes to living a happy, stress free and healthly life. Condsidering all the issues we are confronted with in our
daily lives, who needs to be involved with someone who goes against our morals or come home to be unhappy and unfullfilled. My hat's off
to you, keep telling like is and should be!
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Tired":
Dear Redd, I'm a 40 year old professional Black Man and I'm usually a very positive person and rarely find myself
getting angry or upset. I was approached by a much younger 22 year old man and against my better judgement began dating him.
The first couple of dates were awesome. Despite our age difference, I began to feel we were actually made for each other.
Soon after though, we began to argue about the most simple and irrelevant things and I found that he would cause me to become
so enraged that my head would start hurting. Following discussion after discussion, compromise after compromise, and frequent make-up sex, I decided
that continuing to see this man-child would do nothing but bring drama, tension, stress and negativity to my life. When I told
him that I no longer wanted to see him again, he responded by turning into a stalker. Calling me initially just to say "hello,"
or emailing me asking how I was doing or how my dogs were doing. I responded by being polite, but kept it short. A week of this
made him frustrated and his emails became nasty and he solicited his friends to call my home and cell phone numbers with angry
voice messages. Redd, I realize I should never have considered dating someone half my age, so I take responsibility for the aftermath
of that lapse in judgement. But the more he picks at me with emails and voice mail messages, the more I become enraged and the more
difficult it is to just ignore him and hope his imature behavior eventually begins to bore him. What do you suggest I do to bring
the positivity and peace back into my world despite the consistant barrage of negative communication from this scorned ex-acquaintance?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Brownboykb":
Hello Redd, this is a brotha from New York City. I'm in my late 30s and haven't had a date in years.
I meet men, but they only talk about having sex and stop calling if you want a real situation. I'm very shy
so I let men appoach me, problem they just look stare but don't say anything. The men that do appoach only talk
about sex. What's up with black men? I keep attracting emotionaly closed men married men, men whom only say
what's up or DL men who want to still think they're hetro or men who say they want a relationship, but dont call
or give any energy to making a relationship work. I'm not chasing no grown man! I like to go out concerts stage
plays comedy spots. It got so I take women friends out to dinner and a concert. I'm not into the clubs or bars,
but at this point I thought about hiring an escort for pleasure because this looking for a brotha who can hold
a conversation, will call, is available emotionaly and not scewing tom dick and harry seems impossible. Any advise?
What happened to honest black men who know what they want and can go the distance out of bed?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "AttractiveIgnorance":
I'm 18 years old and very attractive. I'm ready to have my first gay experience, but the problem is with the guys
in my area. I've heard through the grapevine that there are a lot of guys who are on the DL and swinging through
both gates, and when we're at school, I see some of the guys (the ones who strongly proclaim to be a thug and a ladies man)
actually pinching each other's nipples, slapping each other's booties. I even see some of them dryhumphing each other.
The problem is that I don't know exactly who is on the DL, and I can't tell which of the boys are only playing from the boys
who are actually for real. And I don't want to accidentally approach a brotha who is just playing and start something. Could
you help a desperate brotha out?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Marcus":
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year, he recently confessed that he cheated on me. He said all
he did was talk to different guys and kissed one. He apologized and I think he really is sorry and I want to give him a second chance
but every time i try to move on and possibly make things work, I just think about what he did and I can't. I told him I'd give him
another chance but if he does it again then thats it, its hard to just cut your feelings off for someone even when they do something
wrong to you. Do you have any advice on what to do?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Thicky":
What's going on Redd? Many men tell me that they are really attracted to me, based upon my facial features and my personality.
My question is why is there such an emphasis on this "NO FAT/ NO FEM" issue. I have met some real cool people that love my personality
but when it comes to establishing a relationship they tell me they don't like "BIG" dudes and we can only be friends. So how can I overcome
this and another question for you is how can I come out and tell my family (mainly my mother) and close friends about me?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "IcePik":
What up Redd? I have a question, a good question. Seriously speaking, do you think there is a mental problem that comes along
with Gay Black Men of today? I ask this because I cruise many web sites (hook-up sites) and all I come across is the same old "I'm looking
for friends to chill just friends" or "I'm not on here for sex." Mind you while they say all this in order for them to talk to you, you
have to look this way dress this way blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong we all have certain types of people we choose to keep in our
company and that's your right but it's to the point where it's ridiculous and shallow. And to make matters worse you're not about sex but
have a picture(s) of your ass (sometimes the hole) or dick for public viewing. And If they can cut the bullshit out for a minute to meet
IT ENDS UP BEING ABOUT SEX. I just wonder what is wrong with Black Gay Men? It's sad that you claim confidence and independence but fear
you would be ignored without showing skin or posing in a sexual manner. How sad. Don't get me wrong, if you on there for sex good for you,
if you on there for friends really, good luck and good for you but why lie. The same ones hollarin and screaming keep it real this and that
are the biggest liars. Can you shed some light on this. And I hope you post this Q & A for all those liars, insecure and confused ones
out there. Ya'll need to stop it.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Sexy 40":
Redd I am a 40 year old black male that just moved to anaheim,ca.
I need to know where other 40 year olds socialize besides a bar? I'm in to
all races.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Bmorebrotha":
I am a 40 year old gay masculine and muscular man and I want to
know how can I meet other men like that in my area I'm in Baltimore
Maryland. It's not about the sex that comes a dime a dozen and 5 for a
nickle sometimes free but men especially the younger men, they aren't
sincere. How and where can I meet some sincere brothas and just have fun?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Yella":
Today... I recieved a message on an online message board that
somebody lied on me and said that he slept with me and that I gave him
Syphilis. [1] But here is the kicker, I am NOT in the same location as this guy and never have been.
After an hour of fussing with the lady from the health department, we finally learned that the
guy lied. But my question to you Redd, is why do black men have to retort to these
childish games when rejected.
RESPONSE
[1] Syphilis - a chronic infectious disease, caused by a
spirochete, Treponema pallidum, usually venereal in origin but often congenital, and affecting
almost any organ or tissue in the body, esp. the genitals, skin, mucous membranes, aorta,
brain, liver, bones, and nerves.
- QUESTION
from "Lost1":
Dear Redd, recently I have met the most incredible person, but I
don't know what his intentions are. I am hoping that this is something that
leads into a committed relationship, but think that he is looking at it as a
new friendship. Although we have only been talking for a few weeks now I
have been able to really open up to him and I believe that we have a special
connection. I don't want to talk to him about it because I am afraid that I
am going to push him away, and I don't want to do that because he has
honestly brought happiness to my very dark world. Although we have never met
in person I know that it is something that we both want to happen in due
time. How do I address this situation? Do I sit back and let things take its
course, or should I just leap out on faith and hope for the best? But if I
tell him how I feel and I just scare him away I don't think that I would
ever be able to handle that. Please give me the best advice possible for
this situation.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Jerome":
Redd, there is this really nice guy i recently met. It could
possibly evolve into a loving friendship, or we could just end up loving
each other. I'm torn between wanting to a true friend and wanting to be
pleased in everyway. What should I do?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Cocoacutie":
I've been with my fiance for over two years. We have a beautiful
relationship. We can talk to each other about anything, we travel all over,
and sex is great. Unfortunately, I've started acting on urges to meet, date
and sleep with other men. My relationship doesn't lack anything, in my
eyes, and yet, I continue to engage in these "affairs". What can I do to
stop? Should I call off the engagement, or break up with my lover? One guy
I was seeing, on the side, I am even starting to fall for. So, I'm all
messed up... Please help.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Tiny":
I'm from Georgia and married with children. I experience a forced sexual encounter with my older
brother's best friend for 3 years from the age of 10 to 13. For years I
have not experience that again however over those times I experienced
pleasure. Ashamed to admit. Often I feel the desire to be with a male. I
am confused. I will not do this willingly. But want a male to take it
again. Whats wrong with me?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Shannon":
I'm a single black female who was referred to your
website by one of my best friends who happens to be gay. After reading some
of the Q&As, I became inspired to contribute. For the past three years I've
been casually involved with a guy who once worked with me. There were a few
things about him that sparked questions, like why does he have a fetish for
thumb rings, and why would he openly admit to possibly having sex with a
male celebrity for the right price? He's even made comments about other men
wearing gaudy jewelry, addressing them as gay, yet he sports a barbell
within his top ear lobe as well a nose ring. To make matters worse, he has
mutilated his body with tattoos in the most unusual places, like his
shoulder and foot. Maybe I'm too paranoid about the whole situation, but
would homeboy be considered as bisexual?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "MD Man":
I have a friend that I have been with for seven years but he has
cheated several times and I took him back. Today, one of his friends came to
my house to drop off something for him and I was so attracted to his friend
I became nervous. We have been around each other many times but this time he
hugged me and look at me diffrently. I felt something. What should I do?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Red":
What's the best way to know if someone will mess around without
coming right out and asking, are there any guaranteed test to find out?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Clever advice needed":
Hey Redd, Wassup? I met this dude at a club back in 2003. We
danced together, and talked outside the club; he seemed interested in me. He
then told me he was in a relationship with someone; then I gave him my
number and he gave me his. I called him the next day and we talked for a
while, then we hung up and we never spoke again. I`ve seen him at tha club
sometime after tha fact, but we didn`t speak to each other. Now in 2006 I
still have his number, and still think about him all tha time. I dont know
what to do, I dont go to clubs anymore. And I haven`t seen him in a while.
What should I do I cant get over this dude for nothin! I dont think I should
call him when I haven`t talked to him since 2003.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Tee":
What's good Redd? I really like this man
and he said not to call him for a few months but times up and he doesn't
answer my calls but I think I'm in love with him. What should i do? He stopped talkin to
me cuz I didn't call him back but it wasnt like that so plz help me.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Nellyd":
What's up Redd. I'm 23 and bicurious. I talk to one guy I
found through online personals for 2 days. He wasn't very intellectual and
all he want to talk about was my physical features. Could you give me some
advice on how to find guys that are on the same level as I am?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "MakemeCM":
Yo whad up? I'm a masculine nigga from da hood and everyone I
meet automatically assumes that I'm a top. I am actually a total bottom.
I like dick and that's just what I like. I sometimes meet dudes that are
masculine as well and they claim to be tops but later the cat comes out of
the bag. They always turn out to be wanting my dick (maybe because its
big). Is there any 100% tops out there that don't want any part in gettin
fucc'd? Everyone is a bottom these days... I think that's why I'm not in a
relationship... and I really want to be in a relationship one day but I want
a 100% top. Am I askin for too much? Is there a chance that I'll find what
I'm looking for or should I just accept the possibility that I will have to
flip to keep a dude?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Lost1":
I was wondering do you believe that you can find true love
over the internet, even if that person lives thousands of miles away?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "ATL_Love":
I am falling love again. What can I do to keep myself from
rushing into a relationship. I am 30 years old and have dating a lot. There
have been men in my life who I have cared about, but only one that I truly loved.
What I feel for this man in my life now is truly love but I am so happy that
it is hard to be patient. What should I do?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "NellySean":
I'm a 23 year old grad student in North Carolina. I have never been
in a relationship with a man before. I tried to using online social networking
sites to find guys, but I have no luck. What options do you have to find
guys?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Finesse":
I'm in a mixed-status relationship. We have been together for 2
years and 2 months. In the last year and 2 months sex has dramatically
stopped due to medications and occassional infections. I'm 22 and he is 38,
I'm always horny and now i'm getting fustrated, but I love him and I don't
wanna leave. Any suggestions?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Frank":
Each day I wake up I feel more and more guilty about the things
that I have done with other men and how this conflicts with by belief in God
and how the bible states that homosexuality is evil. How should I handle
this conflict?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Wildy's Lover":
I am an Asian man and really crazy about black men. I've been messing
around with this brotha for more than six years. I really love him and
really care about him. There's one thing stand between us is that he has a
boyfriend. He told me from the beginning about what's up, but I thought
that I might change his mind. Until now, he still has not change his mind.
I am so in love with him and recently I've told him that I am sickin' tired
of being a second to his man. I don't know what to do. Should I let go and
move on. If I let go and move on which I've done that in the past so many
times but it did not workout. I really enjoy having sex with him. please give
me the most respected answer of what am I suppose to do.
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "Change":
I'm a single hiv positive bro in Louisiana. Where I'm located is
number #2 in HIV cases .The gay community down here is small. A bruh is
looking for luv but unfortunately the bruhs locally bounce when I tell them
about my status or dont hit me up (i try to meet bruhs on online dating
sites). Is my approach wrong or maybe i need move to a new area to meet
brothers that are more accepting of my status even though my preference is
meeting other positive bruhs but most of them that admit thier status are
from other states. Whats a bruh to do?
RESPONSE
- QUESTION
from "A Slave to Thug Appeal":
I have been reading some of your responses and thought it might
help if I write you. I am a closed male, in a town where there is not alot
of gay/bi black males. The ones that are here want to have relationships,
eventually get married in a state where it is allowed, etc. I am attracted
to thugs! I like a very dominate aggressive thug, that isn't afraid to turn
me out. Most of the men I have fooled around with bore the hell out of me. I
hear many stories of how easy it is to find thugs who seriously like a nigga
on the side to worship them and satisfy their needs unlike their
girlfriends, however I am never able to find those types of thugs. I will
admit. I am a serious freak. No one knows I am down with men, but I have a
freaky sex drive that is not like anyone I know. I have had some friends
look down on my because I just like sex, protective and safe, but still I
like freaky & spontaneous sex. The one friend I grew up with that is gay,
and rich mind you, thinks I should get involved with professional men that are sweet and will treat me
like a king. I keep telling him I don't want to be treated like that...I
want an aggressive man that will make me his bitch. Is there something wrong
with like to be dominated and freaky??? I also like men that are younger
than me. I am 22 years old, but i have plenty of cousin in high school. When
they bring over their friends from school, sometimes I have to leave the
room so no one will see that I have an erection. I daydream about them gang
raping me and I like it. Is something wrong with me???? Where does one go to
find men who want a freak, and not a man they want to marry and adopt kids
with. Help me!
RESPONSE
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